Monday, November 13, 2017

November 13

Ezekiel 27:1-28:26; Hebrews 11:17-31; Psalm 111:1-10; Proverbs 27:15-16

Eric and I are speaking this week at a local MOPS.  We were asked to talk about what we do to keep our marriage healthy and strong.  During a brainstorming time, I wrote down the idea of "how to fight well."  Generally speaking, we try to fight in and for the moment, keeping other days and hurts well out of it; we also try to concede as many points to the other as possible while still being genuine.  We never consider that the situation is unfixable.  We fail in this fair-fighting plenty, but the guidelines do keep us from being completely undone.

Yesterday, I was quilting a bed covering for our youngest son and listened to some TED talks while stitching.  One speaker mentioned the mathematics of conflict in marriage.  Turns out that the mandate "do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Eph. 4:26) is proven true by research.  The more conflict we address as it happens, the less volatile the relationship grows, and the longer the relationship will likely last.

And today I read that "a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day" (Pr. 27:15).  We live in an old house, and we've added on twice.  Until very recently, whenever it rained (which, in drought-ridden SoCal, is not often), we had to set a bowl out in one particular spot.  Plink.  Plink.  Plink.  Plink.  Not much, and not loud, but enough and continuous.  By the end of the day, when I settled down to enjoy the quiet of all five children done for the day, it was enough to drive me mad.  Plink.  Plink.  Plink.  Like the erosion caused by rivers to create canyons and gorges, so this drip-drip-drip was an erosion of my sanity.  Plink.  Plink.

We finally fixed the dripping.  Though it was such a small drip, it surprisingly took multiple efforts and a lot of failure before we were ultimately successful.  A roofer came and spent an afternoon on our roof.  Looking back, it seems like drastic measures for such a small irritation.

I think those same kind of drastic measures are necessary, though, to undo the constant irritation of a quarrelsome wife.  Quick fixes, like a bowl or a vow to "hold my tongue," aren't enough.  It takes an overhaul.  An expert has to go in, find the problem, and address it.  Simply imposing external forces on the situation, much like "restraining the wind" (vs. 16), won't work.  Trying harder, like "grasping oil with the hand" (vs. 16), won't work.  Submitting to a master - whose job it is to repair and restore - is the only solution.

Are you quarrelsome, whether as wife or husband or parent or child or friend or worker?  Are you gradually wearing down those around you with your criticism, sarcasm, cruelty?  Have you tried, without success, to will yourself into a different pattern?  Are you beginning to despair that it could ever be any different?

Perhaps today is the day to let the master carpenter, Jesus Christ, take his expertise and pound out the dripping holes in your life, re-covering you in his love and acceptance.  That love and acceptance can become a shelter and a haven for those around you, transforming you from "plink, plink" to one "brings good, not harm, all the days of [your] life" (Pr. 31:12).

Lord Jesus, let this become true in my life. Amen. 


- Sarah Marsh

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